I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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