Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
