The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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