Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
