Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I wish there were birth control emojis
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
