How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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