be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
