Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
