This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
