u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
