My friends, they love my intelligence
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
