So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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