the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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