im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
