I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
