She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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