hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
