i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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