i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
