I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
