You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
