Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
