He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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