Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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