yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
