youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
