Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
