I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
