If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
