There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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