do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
