Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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