Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
