And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
