remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
