Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
