there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
