You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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