u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
