She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
