Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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