Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
