i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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