wanna go halves on a baby?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
