hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
