last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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