This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
