i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
