$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
