She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
